‘This is overboard…’: Boyfriend Taken Aback by Girlfriend’s Opulent Style of Living and Deems It ‘Offensive’ Causing Rift in Relationship

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Apr 8, 2024 8:00 AM EDT

People come from different backgrounds. However, who are we to decide what is good and bad, right and wrong? The story that follows gives a detailed account of a boyfriend's frustration.

Although he has been dating his girlfriend for some time, the Original Poster (OP) hasn't had the chance to get to know her family. However, all changed when OP's girlfriend invited him to her father's birthday celebration. When OP arrived at the vacation house, he was surprised to see it was staffed entirely by servants who catered to the family's every need. Therefore, when they eventually returned home, OP lost control and blurted out whatever was on his mind since, despite his best attempts, he was unable to conceal his disgust at what had happened.

That being said, be sure to read the story below if you're interested in learning more about what happened over the course of the birthday weekend and what OP confessed to his girlfriend about their, in his own words, 'awful' lifestyle! Additionally, don't forget to check out the story about the niece who refused to comply when her aunt demanded that she surprise her estranged step-sister at the baby shower!

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  • 01
    B) the other morning my girlfriend and I woke up after everyone else had their breakfast; I went into the kitchen to grab some coffee and saw the cooks were already starting to prep for lunch, so I told them I didn't want to bother them and made the coffee myself; my girlfriend came into the kitchen moments later and saw me making coffee; later that day she complained to her mother (without even asking me how things came about) that the cooks left me to make my own coffee. I had to explain every
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for telling my girlfriend I'm bothered by the way she and her family treat their house staff?
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 03
    I'm (25M) dating this girl (24F) for about 5 months. I knew her family was well-off based on the stories she told me about her upbringing, but I didn't get a chance to meet her parents until this week when we all went to their beach house to spend a few days and celebrate her father's 60th birthday. The house wasn't just HUGE but it also employed a staff of about 8 people. I was never used to being served like that, and I
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 04
    witnessed some behaviors from my girlfriend and some of her family towards the workers that made me feel uncomfortable. Some examples: A) after our first night, I heard her mother tell one of the housekeepers to clean the bedroom my girlfriend and I were staying in; I told her mother everything was in order and that I already made our bed before leaving; her mother then told me (in the presence of
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 05
    the housekeeper) that I shouldn't bother because that's her (the housekeeper's) job. B) the other morning my girlfriend and I woke up after everyone else had their breakfast; I went into the kitchen to grab some coffee and saw the cooks were already starting to prep for lunch, so I told them I didn't want to bother them and made the coffee myself; my girlfriend came into the kitchen moments later.
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 06
    and saw me making coffee; later that day she complained to her mother (without even asking me how things came about) that the cooks left me to make my own coffee. I had to explain everything. C) on her father's birthday, they had a fancy dinner with some other guests that came just that day, and some of the staff was made to stand in the room with their backs to the wall
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 07
    as we sat at the table and ate (it was like some Downton Abbeys t). I kept my mouth shut for the entire trip, but as soon as we came back I couldn't hold it any longer and told my girlfriend it made me really uncomfortable to see how she behaved towards the staff and also gave some examples of instances when I felt her parents were r e to them.
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 08
    My girlfriend didn't take this well. She said that I'm the AH here for judging their lifestyle. In her mind we had a perfect week together and I was withholding my judgment until I could unleash it all on her. I don't think I'm an AH for speaking my mind.
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 09
    Icythyosaurus 1 day ago. Obviously people, regardless of their job, should be treated with respect. But, I just want you to consider a different perspective for a second - the staff might be 100% ok with the behaviour you saw, if they're paid enough/feel confident that it's better than other job options. An outsider seeing my job would probably think
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 10
    some parts of it are ridiculous, but those parts are worth it to me as the person actually doing the job. For example, when your gf's mother said "don't make your bed, that's the staff's job”, a staff member hearing that might think “she's right, please don't do my job for me because then she has no reason to pay me for that job."
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 11
    I'm not saying you're in the wrong feeling uncomfortable with the behaviour that you saw, I'm just cautioning you that you might be white-knighting for people who are actually ok with the work environment that you saw
    via u/throwaway901908111
  • 12
    Wise-Entrepreneur971 1 day ago Those were my thoughts as I was reading too. I have never in my life been to a house where there are staff standing around the table while everyone is eating. I would feel uncomfortable too. But when I'm staying in a hotel I find it normal that waiters are serving the food and then standing around to
    via u/Wise-Entrepreneur971
  • 13
    make sure everything is in order, and that cleaning staff are cleaning my room every day. It seems that this family is paying to have their household run as if it were a hotel. This doesn't have to be a bad thing. In fact, the OP might have misstepped by going to the kitchen and making their own coffee - it's possible that the staff saw this as an intrusion.
    via u/Wise-Entrepreneur971
  • 14
    . • blearghstopthispls 1 day ago · edited 9 hr. ago Partassipant [1] I feel you, and I get where you're coming from but in this one occasion YTA sorry. It is a paid housekeeper's job to make the bed. You put the kitchen staff in a bad spot: they were not supposed to let you make coffee but they couldn't contradict you as the boyfriend of one of the family.
    via u/blearghstopthispls
  • 15
    The staff, like any other waiter at a restaurants, just stands around and stands by waiting for the moment to bring the foods in or the plates away. Imagine you were in a hotel. The cleaning crew has a job to do, that job includes the bed, the bathroom, the towels... Imagine you go to a café and want to make your own coffee as to not disturb the employees. Imagine you're in a restaurant
    via u/blearghstopthispls
  • 16
    and ask the waiter to sit down and eat with you or you just bring your own plates glass in the kitchen. It's just not OK, not how it's done, and above all, those are working people with a job and job descriptions. You have to respect that. Your girlfriend should have told and prepared you, but perhaps she didn't know she needed to. That's her fault,
    via u/blearghstopthispls
  • 17
    maybe she's just naive, I don't know. The fact is, that's the way things are run at her place. Can you accept it and not see it as exploitation (the staff is working and is compensated) or does this make you uncomfortable?
    via u/blearghstopthispls
  • 18
    MiddleUnhappy9463 1 day ago You are suffering more from shock about how people can live this way more than anything. It can be hard to confront. It also seems like you are intimidated and by taking the route of "they are treated horribly" you feel better about yourself. I don't think they were ab ve or r e.
    via u/MiddleUnhappy9463
  • 19
    They are paying for services and expect a standard. You wouldn't bat an eye if a small business owner asked the same for their own staff. YTA here because you are suffering from your own insecurities, masking them, and then taking it out on your girlfriend.
    via u/MiddleUnhappy9463
  • 20
    Polly265 1 day ago YTA. I don't see anything disrespectful here, except for you. Going into someone's workplace (the kitchen) and demanding to be allowed to make your own coffee? Would you do that in a restaurant, cafeteria? Do you know how annoying it is to be getting on with your day and have someone come in going
    via u/Polly265
  • 21
    "don't mind me, just getting coffee. By the way where is the coffee, where do you keep the cups. Sorry where are the spoons, do you have sugar by any chance". The house keeper is perfectly capable of
    via u/Polly265
  • 22
    noticing that you made your bed and would probably just have a quick check on towels and such, no need to interfer with her job. This was not a case of ab ve employers they were simply giving instructions to their staff.
    via u/Polly265
  • 23
    Melthiela · 23 hr. ago That's true and all, but none of this was ever explained to him. He's never been in a home that has staff in it. What he experienced was culture shock and the customs weren't ever explained. Instead he is judged for not knowing.
    via u/Melthiela
  • 24
    Bench Inevitable 1 day ago YTA. It is true that it's the housekeeper's job to clean the rooms. There's nothing wrong or disrespectful with what she said. Same with the kitchen hands. They are doing their duty as a host and making sure the staff makes sure you are taken care of. You are judging their family and
    via u/Bench_Inevitable
  • 25
    blowing off on your girlfriend without thinking first from their perspectives and after receiving their hospitality. If you're too insecure and classist, admit it and break up. Don't project your insecurities.
    via u/Bench_Inevitable

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